Flash of light

I don't belong to the God's world or the mortal world. I live in an entirely different plane of time and dimension. There is nothing that stops me from believing that the plane that I belong to - there at least I know everything.

Coloured in the nest of the soul lies a deep meaning of the regret and remorse. The tears that seep down my face every time those faces float in my mind are not the tears of sorrow or joy. They are the tears of my pointless meanderings and loss.

Brimming with thoughts and the feelings tagged with them, they entangle me in the journey so oblique and far fetched that nothing seems to make sense anymore.
The surface says it does not have to make sense and the deep insides say that it all makes sense - just am that shallow never to realize the true essence of it.

So, it could be true that which my depth says. It could be true that which my surface says. My surface, it's scarred and my insides are well preserved in layers, and layers of eras, centuries and generations of wisdom, love and life.
My surface is the reason I live, though there are better ways to do so. It still is the best shield that I have got.

The one who is unaware of his own powers, and depths. My life remains to be his ordeal. To remind him of his powers and to help him come out of these realms of worldliness.
I was rewarded everything but patience and it remained and remains to be a pathetic problem of the surface.

I opened the doorway to this beautiful light and I have to pass through this blazing light to be able to master it and master it well. People say, there is no light, no master, no slave, no sin and no pain. People are right. There is no light. There is only darkness of the soul, for we live in it. The light is only a flash in the storm. There is no master, only a guide. There is no slave, only a follower, who follows until he becomes the guide. There is no sin, for every act is one. You cannot classify it. Every act of yours is a sin. There is no pain for except that in the mind and on the body that you feel. But, all that happens to the body and the surface of the mind is unreal.

Unreal is what we live. Real is far out of our reach. No one will talk about the real ever, even those who know about it. You'll see in their eyes a different flame and you'll question it and you'll not get it - unable to withstand its blazing and intense light you might look away. But, that flame continues to burn for it's real, more real than anything else. And that power knows Reality.

People say don't think about the past or the future, live in the present. Wrong. I say live in the past, present and the future. But learn to bring yourself back to your own self after the day's journey in past, present and future.

Everyday remember something sad and beautiful that belongs to the past. Everyday memorize little bit of the present and breathe life into it. Everyday plan a little something for the future. That is living. More of an omnipresence of the mind which either way it is custom-ed to do, for the mind never rests and so the light that you seek goes on to be intense in the darkness of the soul.

Swallow the Unreal. Leap into the darkness. Strive for the light hidden in it and burn with the blazing flame and become the Reality - seep into this darkness to discover the true nature of the Reality. Universe beckons us - you, me, and everyone.

We are all heading towards the Dark Reality and the Unreal Light.

The predesigned life!?

So ever wondered what is right and wrong? what is left and what in the name of god is right? What is good or bad? why can we not agree to the simple fact that a commited guy and a single girl can be best friends? Why can we not love someone twice or half our age? What is perfect? And who  exactly defined it for us? There might be traffic rules but who made the life rules, the relationship rules, the marriage rules, friendship rules and the gender rules for us?
Who exactly told us that you cannot do or can do things? And why do we have to have a routine? Why is it not once - just once, not okay not to judge. Why is not easy to NOT judge someone doing something they want to do? Why can it not be just happy or sad instead of good or bad then everything would be judged on the basis of - if it makes us happy or not. Right?
No rights or wrongs if you are happy. There is no question mark.
The problem is not the person who fell in love with his 10 year younger student. The problem is us. Its you and me who are not part of that person's experience and hence do not and cannot understand their rights and wrongs. For once why not stop judging yourself also? Why not carve a life that you want to live with yourself and others? Why not grow out of the prescribed norms of rights and wrongs? Why not do what makes you feel good, why not be with someone who completes you rather than someone who fits the profile of standard perfection?
Its weird how with growing age something that was right for us becomes wrong for someone younger. How we tend to rub the markings of imperfection from our face so that we inspire the younger generation to be good and right. But have you ever thought why can you not just own up to not the wrongs or rights but to the options that were put forth you and your decisions? It is never wrong or right as I said earlier. Right and wrong is an illusion which people around us plant in us and we plant in them. What is there are choices and what you can do is choose. You could choose a chocolate fantasy or the big banana, its your call. Its your life to live and design. There is right and left for oneself though. But the catch here is - What might be right for you could be left for me and what could be left for you might be right for me.
So, the point am trying to make here is how much is too much and how many is too many and if enough is ever enough? Will we ever know? In the same manner if right is good or bad and if bad is good or bad you will never know. So draw the line or define your decision by happy or sad/unsatisfied. That way you are always happy if you choose to be!
Design your own life. Don't buy it readymade from a store near you. Stich the wrong parts and use the wrong colours and beads. Maybe,  you might even like and be happy with the wrong design.
But again, who decided the rights and wrongs for you?

A sensitive soul's story of fancy and delusion...

We always tend to build a story around us... And generally that story begins with an ‘I’ and if you are lucky enough ends with a ‘we’ and some friends here and there... The extras always badly cast. The perfect someone is not there - Things to be done, places to be seen, books to be read, before the story gets over lists... All keeps on getting longer and more reasonable - and all the more longer.

Sometimes the after effects of meeting different forms of shapes and sizes can be so amazingly repelling that you become this story you have always wanted to be your entire life...

We keep on creating stories as we meet the people of different class society culture and what not... nation state town city - different genre of music books movies all of it... every other person makes you want to join them in the ride and forget about your old and boring story to begin a new exciting one ..

You almost all the time unknowingly are seeking for pleasure in every act that you perform… You seek immortal happiness despite the fact that seasons change… Despite the very simple fact that change is constant you hold onto the present trying it to be the forever ... Trying very hard to let the story be the same… And trying very hard so that the happily ever after comes sooner than it actually should. You don't like the plainer stories... the plain old apartment - the plain spouse… the plain job - It has to be exquisite... you want to be the star of your story and yet the story wants the charm of the old school of thought- where everyone loves everyone and anyone can be someone.

You yearn for the plain happiness - the story of a beautiful family - the ‘close-knit family’ - the peaceful dinners and then sleep- the peaceful sleep.
And yet you choose to be stuck in the rush - in the money making... no one wants to live in the suburbs... you want the rush of the most happening place in the state, every minute planning the next step - of how to get the next best thing! Well doesn't sound well - when every minute you want what the other has got, when every minute your perception of living changes - when the rat race becomes the horse race- when your beliefs become too small for the “Chatteraati”- You crib about your own decisions and the way people are living today, you no longer are enjoying the story that you wrote for yourself - The tragedy is that you don’t have an undo button..

You don’t have an option of time travel – as much as you would want.
The ‘You’ that you are now – is no longer satisfied even with the snatched or maybe well-deserved promotion that you have. You no longer can get your plain life back – coz you have already painted your story with the colours of the beautiful rush, the piercingly dominating rush which does not even let you attend your sibling’s marriage.
So what do you lack? Patience – and what do you have in abundance – Ignorance
Patience is the virtue by which everything becomes at par – life seems at pace with your thoughts and rushing towards tomorrow generally disappears - and ignorance is the virtue which would help you live happily ever after in the delusion of perfect tomorrow.
The happily ever after that you want is FYI never the end- and the story that you are trying to write so hard has no end – and of course the story within the story is the story we all look for – the best way of living it would be to stop trying so hard to write it –

and just throw some colours of thoughts and emotions here and there and fill the blank canvas with the colours that have not even been invented as yet –Break free and fly towards the everlasting sky where no story engulfs you – and nobody bothers you!

Desires.. Beliefs and hopes ... !!

Allow me to recall this time last year .. how independent .. how balanced .. how detached from emotions .. I wanted to be .. and was not !! Last year,Yes, I failed myself and again felt .. got imbalanced .. got attached .. still somehow was not dependent .. !! Leaving for a new place .. I again promised myself to be even more independent .. balanced for once .and stay focused !!

I did maintain this promise to myself for a month . After that I would not say I stopped following it .. or failed myself again I actually started of with same teaching lessons for myself ..I just again started being my age .. learning and growing .. and accepting the fact that Time would teach me everything I have come to learn . The small lessons.. The small meaningful - meeting the strangers .. the wandering soul that I am .. would never stop thinking,believing ..desiring and hoping. I again lost the balance in me .. I again felt .. got attached .. felt too much .. and again got confused about my journey . Am I supposed to have fun ? Am I doing the right thing ? Am I being good enough ? Am I being helpful ? Am I doing the work am here for ? This buzzed all round me .. So I let it be .. I surrendered again .. Missed my family .. felt alone .. again held back and set on my journey ..

I started working with this big media firm as an intern .. felt like a Tele-caller.. and was made to realize that the job definitely has more to it . Now thinking of how I behaved there .. I loathe myself for wanting to quit because someone yelled at me and wanting to stay back just because someone offered comforting words.. There I realized that there was a reason for my want to be a journalist .. I not only want to explore .. I want to be the change .. I want to work for the better .. This desire to be in a position to help and serve might not be convincing .. (It sounds so vague to me at times.. ) . But there it is.. the only thought in my mind.
I want to be out there in the field. To feel the fresh wind .. the breezy wind blow across my face and give me the answer to my desires .. beliefs and hopes.. My innermost desire is to Fly .. not too high that I loose sight of things .. but just high enough to be able to care from above ..
But while working I could really feel the dirt getting under my nails..It was tough .. it was hard..but that phase did go by well .. with people who I call FRIENDS being there all along ..
Its always good to feel you know .. to know that someone does care after all. To be bothered about someone after a nerve-wracking day . The voice that would make it all go away .. I did find it .. but more so not the person I was looking for .. found it ..really tried hard .. looked here and there .. and then stopped believing in its existence.
The children I started teaching in the Govt. School . Finally another of my plans last year of working with a NGO . Teaching the weaklings of the class . I got the satisfaction I had been waiting for soo long.
There is always more to life .. beyond your daily business .. beyond success .. failures.. love and hate ..beyond the riches and the poor .. the hurt and the sorrows.. its about learning .. growing.. living.. faith .. help .. Its about each and everyone's Desires .. Beliefs and Hopes .. I have always wondered on what to write .. after soo long I have written this Something.. which has all this mixed up .. These rush of emotions .. the hope of finding the narrator and the writer in me never loses the courage to go ahead with whatever is there on my mind.
So ,

To be a free bird ..requires not courage and strength of character which I long thought were the ingredients ... but it requires Faith .. it requires a Dream .. It requires the strength to feel the wind blow across your face ... does not require confidence... it requires overconfidence.. zero balance .. and desire to be on your own .. (the real desire am talking about .. the real passion that makes you wanna bang your head ;)) .. the enthusiasm to explore.. the strength of falling in love with the cloud.. the rain .. the wind.. the storm .. the sun.

I have just got my wings.. still have a lot to learn ..to spread them out .. to help them grow strong and then you actually might see me Fly ... :)