I did maintain this promise to myself for a month . After that I would not say I stopped following it .. or failed myself again I actually started of with same teaching lessons for myself ..I just again started being my age .. learning and growing .. and accepting the fact that Time would teach me everything I have come to learn . The small lessons.. The small meaningful - meeting the strangers .. the wandering soul that I am .. would never stop thinking,believing ..desiring and hoping. I again lost the balance in me .. I again felt .. got attached .. felt too much .. and again got confused about my journey . Am I supposed to have fun ? Am I doing the right thing ? Am I being good enough ? Am I being helpful ? Am I doing the work am here for ? This buzzed all round me .. So I let it be .. I surrendered again .. Missed my family .. felt alone .. again held back and set on my journey ..
I started working with this big media firm as an intern .. felt like a Tele-caller.. and was made to realize that the job definitely has more to it . Now thinking of how I behaved there .. I loathe myself for wanting to quit because someone yelled at me and wanting to stay back just because someone offered comforting words.. There I realized that there was a reason for my want to be a journalist .. I not only want to explore .. I want to be the change .. I want to work for the better .. This desire to be in a position to help and serve might not be convincing .. (It sounds so vague to me at times.. ) . But there it is.. the only thought in my mind.
I want to be out there in the field. To feel the fresh wind .. the breezy wind blow across my face and give me the answer to my desires .. beliefs and hopes.. My innermost desire is to Fly .. not too high that I loose sight of things .. but just high enough to be able to care from above ..
But while working I could really feel the dirt getting under my nails..It was tough .. it was hard..but that phase did go by well .. with people who I call FRIENDS being there all along ..
Its always good to feel you know .. to know that someone does care after all. To be bothered about someone after a nerve-wracking day . The voice that would make it all go away .. I did find it .. but more so not the person I was looking for .. found it ..really tried hard .. looked here and there .. and then stopped believing in its existence.
The children I started teaching in the Govt. School . Finally another of my plans last year of working with a NGO . Teaching the weaklings of the class . I got the satisfaction I had been waiting for soo long.
There is always more to life .. beyond your daily business .. beyond success .. failures.. love and hate ..beyond the riches and the poor .. the hurt and the sorrows.. its about learning .. growing.. living.. faith .. help .. Its about each and everyone's Desires .. Beliefs and Hopes .. I have always wondered on what to write .. after soo long I have written this Something.. which has all this mixed up .. These rush of emotions .. the hope of finding the narrator and the writer in me never loses the courage to go ahead with whatever is there on my mind.
So ,
To be a free bird ..requires not courage and strength of character which I long thought were the ingredients ... but it requires Faith .. it requires a Dream .. It requires the strength to feel the wind blow across your face ... does not require confidence... it requires overconfidence.. zero balance .. and desire to be on your own .. (the real desire am talking about .. the real passion that makes you wanna bang your head ;)) .. the enthusiasm to explore.. the strength of falling in love with the cloud.. the rain .. the wind.. the storm .. the sun.I have just got my wings.. still have a lot to learn ..to spread them out .. to help them grow strong and then you actually might see me Fly ... :)
