“There was no sun; there was no light. I was dying. I couldn't remember what the sky looked like. But I didn't die. I was lost to a sea of cold, and then I was reborn into a world of warmth.”
Solitude is always something that you can hold onto only to not make space for loneliness.
Things have changed now though. It is love this time. I don't know how far, how long and ifs and buts, I just know for a fact that we are in love and we want to be with each other! But, the sadness is still there not as a pain but as a part of me, withholding me from the perfection of happiness and doubtless life. I like to ask questions. And I like to know the answers. Hoping that the joy of this would never leave me. I would always have these blissful memories to hold onto, no matter what! :)
I am drowning in happiness :)
It's another world you know. An entirely different territory from the other sorts of love. It is a desert of love, rain forest of love, it is another joy, another level of being spiritual, another level in life and living. It's like being for another. IT is being for another. It is also, living for oneself and for Love. There is so much of joy and laughter that it is hard to locate the death of the gone by's, the past. It still feels like (the good part) it is within me, it is all happening within me. All of it. Like I am lying on a bed in a hospital, in coma, and dreaming of all of this. And yet, this is very real at the same time. Very. More real than anything I have ever felt. It is being reborn in a world of love thorns and love bulls and love peacocks and love making. It is not that I am lost in this love. No. It's being reborn in this darkness and being reborn as a flickering light. I have still not located him on my soul map but I think I will as soon as I locate myself on his soul map. His love is so patient and so kind. There is a time, a room for so many others who could just sway me with a glance, a line, a smile, but, the heart refuses to be swayed. It says you have everything you ever wanted without even having asked for it. Why not just sway with it.
Love you know is in darkness and in light. It's the best medicine for a wound, for a heart, for a mind, for a soul. It is the highest degree of spiritual undertaking. Because it's very difficult to really love. The Real sorts, where materialism is nothing, where physicality of any form is only a spot to be touched and loved. There is only one and not two. There is only love and not just the idea of it. And when there is only the present that exists despite the back and forth.
“Nothing bubbled up from the depths. For once, the present was so alive and captivating that the past was not even an echo or a shadow-she was, in this moment, wiped clean.”
Now, I know for a fact, that it's better to just love than to question it or define it.
